Just yesterday I was peacefully at home doing some morning studying while digesting a delicious breakfast I had just made myself. This is not my normal routine, on a normal day the dog comes first. On this particular day I just didn’t feel like walking yet, at 9:00am it was already a spicy 85 degrees outside. So I ignored his needs and saw to mine, big mistake.
When I popped up from studying to check on him all seemed well, he was chewing a toy….WAIT those are MY sandals!!!!!!!! You little stinker butt!!!! Not only had he chewed them he had devoured a whole side. (See exhibit A below)
Exhibit A- one chewed sandal
Those were somewhat expensive as far as sandals go, and they were my favorite because they match my purse, which makes me feel fresh and accessorized. In my pregnant state not many things make me feel cute or put together but these sandals could pull any outfit together. Farewell my friends.
Exhibit B-matching purse
When I talked to Kevin I told him the bad news to which his nonchalant response was, “ just go buy some new ones.” I tried to argue that I couldn’t possibly do that; we have too many things to buy for the baby, blah, blah, and blah. Deep down inside I was avoiding the department store because I was afraid of awakening my alter ego, shopping-Paula.
Shopping-Paula resembles regular everyday Paula in many ways. She looks like her, talks like her, and laughs like her, which is why it’s so difficult to recognize her for what she is when she emerges.
On this day regular-Paula entered Old Navy for a pair of $3 flip-flops. Regular Paula makes a bee-line (or is it b line?) to the wall of flip-flops to select a sensible pair to replace the destroyed ones. Upon reaching the wall the switch begins to occur, a bright shiny sign displaying a SALE! Two pairs for only $5.00! Shopping-Paula reasons that with the sale each individual pair is now only $2.50 a whole $0.50 cheaper than what she had expected. Feeling like she has a surplus of money now she cruises each pair of flip-flops selects two pairs (instead of just one like regular-Paula had intended to buy) and then sets off to peruse the rest of the store.
Shopping-Paula is inherently ungrateful, she hates everything that she owns at home and is convinced that she has nothing at all that is nice to wear. So, she loads her arms with clothing, being especially attracted to anything that is “on sale” even if that sale only saves her a few cents.
Somewhere along the line regular-Paula tries to take over, she says, “Maybe you ought to add up what all of that will cost you. And perhaps you had better try them on to see if it’s something that you would even wear.” Shopping-Paula agrees, “Yes! Try them on!” On her way to the dressing room she grabs several more items, just in case she hates that one shirt she’s thinking about.
The dressing room is where the battle between my alter ego and me becomes especially frightening. I will spare you the details for fear that it will sound too much like Smeagle and Gollum duking it out for “my precious”. Suffice it to say that eventually the two came to a compromise and I left the store with only two pairs of flip-flops, and two shirts instead of the loads of outfits Shopping-Paula had selected.
Why does shopping elicit such a response in me? Why can’t I walk through the store and notice nice things without becoming ungrateful for everything I have and swirling into my binge shopping alter-ego? Who knows, all I know is that I love this shirt and this outfit makes me feel fresh and accessorized.
*Disclaimer
This blog is in no way an admission of mental illness. Shopping-Paula is harmless and should not be feared by anyone, except my debit card…..and possibly my husband.
No comments:
Post a Comment