I wrote this a couple days after Kylea was born but decided not to post it because I thought it was too long and boring. But now 6 months later I think the details are priceless. So....this post is for me.
“Here’s to parenthood.” Says Kevin while raising his water bottle before taking a swig and downing two Advil for a headache brought on by exhaustion. “To parenthood” I parrot back while raising my own water bottle and downing the fist full of prescriptions I was sent home with.
Just two days before this scene I was exactly 9 months and 3 days pregnant and at the end of my quickly fraying rope. “Just come out baby.” I would plead with my pregnant belly. We decided to put to rest EVERY wives tale we could get our hands on, I sniffed different herbs, went on several long walks, ate nothing but eggplant parmesan (rumored to induce labor within 48 hrs) applied pressure to all the pressure points that induce labor the list goes on. By about 10 o’clock that night exhausted we went to bed gave each other a kiss goodnight and hoped that maybe tomorrow would be the big day. I fell asleep thinking, “Stupid wivestales!”
Inexplicably at 12:30 I jumped out of bed and about 10 seconds later there was a giant rush of water. It’s like I could sense it coming, I whisper yelled, “LOVEY, I think my water just broke!” Kevin sat straight up in bed and said “seriously?!” His voice was dripping with excitement and a hint of anxiety. My heart was soaring; the day we get to meet our baby was FINALLY here! I wasn’t sure how much longer we would have to wait but I decided that I had better get some sleep so I changed pj’s and jumped back in bed to catch a few more winks.
The problem with the few more winks was this crushing sensation that I had to use the restroom. I still hadn’t realized that this sensation was caused by the contractions that I didn’t know I was having. By 2:00 I had enough of “sleeping” so I quietly slipped out of bed and walked around getting things situated. I popped in season 5 of “The Office” to keep myself company. After a couple discs of The Office I found that our one bedroom apartment just didn’t contain enough space to accommodate the pacing that I felt compelled to do. So I headed to the gym at our apartment complex to walk on the treadmill. I hadn’t walked more than 10 min. when I got a call from Kevin who had just woke up and was wondering where I was.
I went back home and relaxed with the techniques that we had practiced with Kevin as my coach. Things were going amazing with the hypnobirthing, contractions were uncomfortable but not painful it was more of a feeling of intense pressure than pain.
By 6:30 the contractions had set into a regular rhythm and pattern spaced about 3-4 min. apart so we decided to head to the hospital to get situated. I was calm and relaxed but the contractions were building in intensity and I was anxious to get into the jetted tub in the hospital room.
Labor and delivery nurses see women in labor all day every single day and their attitude reflects this. Here I am trying to relax and focus and every 14 seconds there’s a nurse in my face, shoving clipboard after clipboard of paperwork in my face. Saying things like, when you get a free moment go ahead and fill these out. In my head I’m thinking. “Are you serious? ! When exactly do you think I'm going to have a free moment? I may look calm but it’s not like I’m on vacation here!” The words on the page looked like complete nonsense and when I did decipher the words I realized the piles of papers were all asking the same questions over and over again. I'm usually a calm person but this realization was completely maddening. I had to wonder exactly what was the point in pre-registering?
For about four and a half hours I spent my time trying to relax, finally getting to the point where I felt comfortable again only to have a nurse come in and tell me to go somewhere else. I was constantly being bombarded with seemingly simple requests like, “we need you to lay down here for just a minute and stay hooked up to these monitors for 10 min. can you do that? We’ll be back in a jiffy to take them off.” I would sit tethered to one spot for as long as I could stand it (usually about 40 min to an hour) before ripping them off and doing what I needed to get comfy again. This would set off alarms and send nurses running in immediately. I felt no sympathy, that's what you get when you neglect a woman in labor!
The icing on the cake was when they hooked me up to an IV and said that I needed to let it drip for 30 min. then I would again be free to do as I pleased. For 3 hours I laid tethered to a 3 foot by 3 foot radius trying my very best to stay calm and relaxed through contractions. It became apparent as different nurses ran in that it was a very disorganized night and that this would continue to happen to me over and over again. Kevin was furious with the staff and kept running out into the hall trying to get help.
At 10:30 my midwife came in checked me and announced that I probably would not have the baby until 5pm. At this point I became very discouraged. I was hungry, tired and frustrated that I wasn’t being allowed to labor the way that I wanted to labor. I had not slept at all since the night before and hadn’t eaten anything since my dinner at about 6pm the night before since the hospital only allows ice chips. The revelation that I would have to wait another 6.5 hours brought a feeling of desperation. I was handling the contractions calmly and quietly but every hour that passed I could feel my composure waning. I knew I could not stay calm and relaxed until 5 pm under those circumstances. And so, with tears in my eyes and sadness in my heart I asked for the epidural.
The rest of labor progressed quickly; I refused the pitocin they tried to give me when my contractions went through a lax period. The nurse rolled her eyes and muttered something about this baby not coming until next week. I didn't care, the epidural was more then I had wanted I wasn't about to let them dope me up with their "road to c-section" meds. Instead, I laid there doing my birth visualizations and actually getting a couple minutes of rest (not sleep). Approximately 30 min after refusing pitocin I had a wave of nausea like nothing I have ever experienced. I looked at Kevin and said, “I think I’m going to be sick! Bring me the trash can!” He brought me the trashcan and ran out into the hallway to find a nurse. The charge nurse came in checked me and with a sheer look of shock and amazement she said, “we’re ready to have a baby!”
My midwife was amazing, even though I got the epidural he treated the labor just the same as if it had been a hypnobirth. We kept the lights down low, kept the room quiet and only let one nurse assist with the labor. I pushed for about half an hour when Pete (my midwife) said, “we’re almost there just a few more pushes and you’ll be parents! Take a look.” Kevin gasped, “I can see her head” I looked up and there it was….a baby! I felt new life and energy and was able to push harder than ever thinking the whole time, ”the harder I push the sooner we get to meet our baby!”
When I looked up at Kevin I saw just the tiniest tear slip down the side of his cheek. “ok daddy, get ready to receive your baby.” I saw his expression change to all business as he gloved up and stepped over to receive the baby. With one immense effort from me our baby was born at 3:36pm after fifteen and a half hours of labor into her daddy’s arms.
There she was, gobs of dark hair, cherubic chubby cheeks, tiny pouty lips, perfection. Kevin followed her as the nurses took measurements and checked apgars. He made sure no bright lights were shined on her and she was handled gently. The nurse kept cooing about what a BEAUTIFUL newborn she was and settled on calling her "little angel."
We are tired, and still bewildered by the inner workings of a diaper change but we are learning. We feel so blessed to have been given this precious child, our very own Little Angel.
