4 Months

Wasn't it just yesterday that you looked like this

And now suddenly you are 4 months old and so big. Part of me feels like the time has flown and another part of me can hardly remember what it was like without you.  You have brought us unimaginable joy.  Had I known how much I was going to LOVE being your mommy I would have been more anxious to start a family.  But all things come in their proper time.

At 4 months old you....

• Roll from your front to back
• sit all by yourself
• scream like a seagull (one of your most favorite things to do when you are excited)
• Laugh and laugh and laugh!  
• Are ticklish
• Have the funniest little expressive face.
• Pet the doggy (who you think is the funniest and most handsome doggy in the entire world)
• Like to meet new people- every time we go anywhere people come to meet you because they say when we walked by you flashed them one of your giant friendly smiles.
• play with toys (your favorites are your mommy and daddy's faces and hair.  You often stroke your daddy's face as he walks around with you)
• You are dying to be able to move and often kick your little feet and raise your little bum in the air while on your tummy in an effort to reach your toys.
• Ride in your sling
• Have the longest and most dramatic wake-up routine I have ever seen.  Involving grunting and stretching and rubbing your eyes and ending with a few blinks and a giant smile.  
• LOVE bath time- I think you are part fish.

You may never fully understand how much we love you, maybe not until you are a mommy yourself.  You are the sunshine in my soul. You have brought new meaning, purpose and dimension to my life.  I just can't wait to see what the future holds.

New Resolve

Usually I begin the new year filled with brightness and ambition and resolutions.  With the year ending it is natural to assess how things went previously and resolve to do better next year.  I have noticed this year that instead of being filled with the optimism and hope for the new year I am instead feeling acutely aware of my imperfections.  Since Kylea has come along I feel this intense desire to be PERFECT and a feeling of disappointment with my imperfections.

I began making daily to-do lists (as I am prone to do) with hoards of tasks on them.  A couple days ago, as I set about rushing through my list that would make me a perfect mom/wife/person list I noticed little Kylea in her swing (which I rarely put her in but did on this occasion....because of the list) she was doing what can only be described as a baby sit-up and was craning her neck searching the room in an effort to catch my eye.  When she did her whole face lit up into a bright gummy smile and she let out a shriek of glee.  I was suddenly hit with an acute realization that the ONLY thing Kylea wants, is me.  She doesn't care about ANY of those silly things n my list.  Too often we rush around trying to be perfect in every way often losing sight of what is the most important in the process.  Chores are important, but not more important than my sweet baby, my husband or even myself.

So my resolution this year is to:

-Think more positively about myself.  Give myself credit where it is due.

-Soak in the small moments that leave lasting impressions.  Like snuggling the baby, dinner with my husband, or enjoying the brisk outdoor air with the dog.

-Begin and end each day with prayer

- Recount my blessings more often than the things I still lack.

-Take time for myself (though....not too much)

Happiness is not the sum of all things going right in our lives, it's a choice.  So my resolution is to be happy wether I and everything in my life is perfect all the time or not.