Blessed

This will be more of a personal entry because I have a lot on my mind. Last night I had the opportunity to visit with a woman from my church ward (AKA congregation) I go with another girl from my Ward who I call my companion to visit about 5 other women from the ward once a month and we call this visit teaching. It’s a way for the women of the ward to get to know each other and be aware of what is going on in each other’s lives.
Last night when my companion and I arrived at this particular woman’s home everything was in shambles and it looked as though she was in the middle of a move. She admitted that she and her family are moving this Saturday because they can no longer afford rent for the apartment. Her husband was diagnosed with cancer about 5 months ago. He has undergone one bout of chemo and other treatments and already the family (who are very poor) is nearly $100,000 in debt with no end to medical bills in sight.

I listened helplessly as this woman shared with me and my companion that she feels she desperately needs counseling to deal with the trials of her past (sexual, physical and emotional abuse from the age of 6 to adulthood from several different men in her life) But given her current finances there is NO way she can afford it. She cried and we cried as she shared that the pain she felt and the belief that it would NEVER leave her. I can’t imagine the tremendous pressure she is under, she is called to support this tremendous financial burden with only a GED and enough emotional baggage to keep her in intense counseling for years.

As a rule I always bring a spiritual thought when I visit these women. Usually the thought comes from a church magazine specially outlined in a mini-lesson format. I was unable to access that article this month because my subscription expired and the website where it is posted was under construction. As I was scrambling around my house looking for a little thought to share Kevin grabbed a piece of paper from his scriptures and handed it to me and said, just take this. Without even looking at it I said, “ok!” and ran out the door to make it to the appointment in time.

When I got into my companion’s car I looked down at the quote to realize it was a blurb on the infinite atonement of Jesus Christ. I thought, “Oh great, this is such a heavy topic it will be difficult to make this work.” But as I listened to this woman talk about a sleepless night she had battling all her personal demons and the intense emotional pain that she feels I realized that this quote was EXACTLY what she needed to hear.

An image of my mom’s favorite painting that she hung in our house when I was a child popped into my mind. It’s a picture of Jesus in a beautiful garden standing by an old wooden door with no handle. The picture was inspired by the scripture in Revelations 3:20 that says “Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me” I was able to share with her that when Jesus atoned in the Garden of Gethsemane and that atonement was infinite and applies to ALL people whether they recognize it or not. Also, his atonement is NOT limited to our own sins (which do cause pain) He suffered ALL our pain, the pain of illness, loss, pain that we deal with because of others (abuse) the price has been paid and the Savior waits at the door which YOU have to open. And when you let him in and let the miracle of the Atonement work in your life, the memory of the things that hurt you remains but the pain and anguish that accompany them goes away!

The woman cried and smiled and the feeling of the spirit burst into the room. Those who suffer can feel abandoned by God. Many times I have heard people say if there is a God why is there so much suffering? I know that he is mindful of us. The message I brought to share was an answer to a fervent prayer from this woman, but more than that, it wasn’t something that I myself would have prepared. We spent 2 hours at this woman’s house last night, I know we were supposed to be there as an answer to a prayer. We listened to her, we cried with her and we were able to share a message of hope to keep her going. The Lord never leaves you alone, he is ALWAYS aware of you and your needs.

I am continually amazed at the daily miracles I get to experience. And the added understanding that the life I live is extremely blessed. I was blessed with parents who loved me and provided a humble yet loving home for me as a child. Parents who inspired me to reach for my dreams and said, why not you? I was blessed to be able to obtain a college education that will allow me to provide for both the needs and wants of my family and me. I am blessed with a husband who loves me and treats me with the love and respect I deserve, who is also dedicated to education and hard work. I am blessed with a baby who seems to be healthy, and I am grateful for the ability I have to have my own children. And finally I am blessed with the knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ which has helped me make it through some of the most difficult times and decisions in my life and which I whole heartedly believe is the reason I am so blessed today.