Making Plans and Learning Patience

(image borrowed from Google)

“Give your stress wings and let it fly away. 

~Terri Guillemets”

Previously I blogged about the focus and tunnel vision I was experiencing while waiting for the birth of our baby.  I think in my mind that the baby was for sure going to be born early.  The second she became full-term I expected her to bounce right into the world.  Though it's ridiculous to say I planned it that way, that is indeed the case.  When my plans to control nature with my mind fell through I was baffled.  Alas, I’m learning something I think I need to apply to multiple facets of my life, patience. 

We don’t always get the promotion we want when we want it, or meet that special someone when we think we should, or be able to have a baby right when we plan it.  Part of the beauty of life is the variability of it. It’s unpredictable, messy and lovely all in the same breath. 

Let me share a little physiology with you.  During pregnancy circulating levels of estrogen and progesterone increase.  These increases are paramount to the healthy development of baby during pregnancy.  During the final stages of pregnancy these hormones spike to an all time high, this helps to preparing the body for birth.  An unfortunate side effect of this spike is extra, super duper moodiness. 

Overall, if I had to describe myself I would say I am very even tempered.  Kevin’s boss was asking how I was doing and wanted to know if I was in the “cranky stage” yet.  She said during the final weeks of her pregnancy her poor husband couldn’t do anything right, she would yell at him just because she could.  Kevin laughed and said he knew I was pretty tired of being pregnant but he didn’t think I was cranky yet.  Let me be frank, internally I am a messy blob of over emotion.  I am trying my best to temper it (though irrational outbursts have occurred recently) but it’s not easy when everything is so darn annoying lately!

Normal everyday interactions somehow strike me as annoying as EVERYTHING seems to remind me that I am STILL pregnant. 

Here are some recent interactions that demonstrate what I’m trying to describe:

Well intentioned person: “well” they say, “you are almost there, just a few more days!”

Me: politely smiles and says “that’s true”….but inside I’m thinking.  “Days!!!!! Do you realize what you are saying?  Every single day feels like a year!  And you think the fact that I have a few more of them to endure will help me feel better?  I DON’T THINK SO!  I then walk away feeling ruffled and indignant.

Curious Friend:  Where’s that baby?

Me:  Again with the polite smile, and I say, “She’s still not here yet, I’m sure she’ll come when she’s ready.” But internally I’m thinking, “What do you think this belly is???? It’s not like I went on a ding-dong eating binge!  Also, do people typically leave their houses without their newborn infants?  What does she expect me to say?  Yup I had the baby!  She’s resting in her crate inside with the dog.  Don’t worry we tied a bottle to the side of the crate she can drink from if she gets hungry while we’re out.  We're choosing the natural selection parenting technique, we want to make sure our baby is at least as intelligent as a hamster before we make a commitment on keeping her.”

Neighbor who thinks he is hilarious- Are you still A ROUND…..pa ha ha ha

Me: politely laughs in return and says “well it certainly seems so!”   I’m not sure I should even write what I’m really thinking…..suffice it to say, pregnancy is not a free ticket to call a woman fat, EVER.  I am baffled by how many people don’t get that.

Neighbor’s dog:  Bark, bark, bark……..bark………bark, bark…………………. BARK!

Me:  With each bark my blood pressure rises and rises. Until finally I leap up and begin rummaging through papers for the number to security.

In between these fits of mania I am still my same rational self.  I realize that, “this too shall pass.”  I can still see the beautiful things that I am blessed with; an awesome husband who I grow to love more and more every single day, a healthy baby, an easy pregnancy, a nice place to live, jobs, the gospel etc.  When I refocus I feel the peace that I long for return to my life.  I need to give myself permission to do as the quote says, to “give my stress wings and let it fly away.”  And to realize that when things don’t go according to how I plan them, it’s because God has a better plan in mind.