Mathematics

I've never been very good at math.  I guess that's not entirely true. I've always gotten good grades in mathematics, but it's because I worked my bum off night after night slaving over understanding those crazy number thingys.  Inevitably, after studying and struggling for days with a mathematical concept that I was beginning to feel I was incapable of solving, a lightbulb would flip on in my brain and the problems got easier.  So, math wasn't impossible for me, it just didn't come quickly or easily.

In light of that information, I guess it's no surprise that I've been struggling over a certain mathematics issue for weeks now until FINALLY the lightbulb flipped on and the answer dawned on me.

Let me start at the beginning.  A couple of months ago we  found out we were expecting baby number two.  We leaped for joy, praised Heavenly Father and I immediately set out planning and preparing for our second baby.  And then it happened, that sickly, tired stage of pregnancy set in.  I spent my days trudging after Kylea trying to keep up and usually failing miserably.  We watched lots of movies and ate lots of quick and not so nutritious foods.  Whilst in the throughs of this I realized something.  It's not going to get better when the baby comes.  Nope, I'm going to be exhausted, hormonal and physically healing for at least a month maybe two. And then once that is over, I will still have to divide my attention and love between TWO children.  Some days it's all I can do to keep up with one. How will that work?  How will this impact my ability to be a good wife to Kevin? And how will that be fair to my beloved Kylea?

When Kylea was born, I was instantly smitten. I was filled with a measure of love that I didn't even know was possible.  As she's grown, my love for her has grown as well.  I've gotten to know her personality.  We've baked cookies, read stories, snuggled under blankies while watching movies, laughed together and cried together.  For two years she's been the complete epicenter of my universe.  The idea of dividing my love and attention from her didn't feel fair and my heart has been aching over it for weeks now.  At the same time,  I realize that another one of Heavenly Father's precious children is being entrusted to my care and I want to be able to give her everything that Kylea had.  It just wouldn't be fair if I didn't.  But how is would it be possible?  I'm just one, very imperfect person.

The answer came on a cold November evening when I lay on the exam table anxiously awaiting the results of the never-ending ultrasound.   The ultrasound tech furrowed his brow and leaned forward, and pressed the ultrasound wand harder into my pregnant belly.  Each time he did Kevin and I would say, "what? what are you looking at?  Is everything ok?"  Then I would crane my neck in an attempt to see the screen.  "what?" he would reply, "oh, yes, everything is fine, just fine, looking very good this little one."  We waited anxiously as piece by piece the baby was examined until finally at the end he announced, "It's a girl!  See, there are her girl parts!" Then he handed me a handful of photos to document our first encounter with our new little girl.

"Another girl."  I thought, as I absently thumbed through the ultrasound photos.  Then I happened across this photo.




I stared at this image until I saw it, a perfect little mouth, nose and chin.....my baby!  Suddenly, into my mind's eye flashed images of my little infant Kylea.  I could see her snuggled against my chest after a nice long nursing session sucking on her bottom lip and sleeping peacefully.  I felt the rush of love sweep over me as I remembered what it was like to stroke her little cheek as she slept.  Then the image shifted, now it was another sweet baby, MY baby.  All at once I wasn't afraid anymore.  In fact, I couldn't wait to do it all again.  Through God's grace I was able to transition from the idea of having another baby (which was unknown and scary) to the reality of having OUR next little girl in our arms.

 It was in that moment of love and clarity that it occurred to me that I've been thinking about this problem all wrong!  Having another child isn't about division of time and love, it's multiplication! It figures, I mixed up the operation. I can feel love and tenderness for both of my children equally because there is NO limit to the human capacity to give and receive love.  Families are divinely designed to expand and so is our capacity to love!

I'm no longer worried about Kevin or Kylea either.  Seeing Kevin be a Daddy has already multiplied my love for him and  two girls will be twice the opportunity for him to parent.  We don't have as much alone time but we enjoy our family time and cherish our alone time just that much more!  And Kylea is going to LOVE her sister, I just know it!  She will have someone to run and play with, someone to play princesses with, braid hair, share clothes, gossip about boys and argue over silly girl things.  What a blessing it will be to her to learn about sibling love and cooperation. I anticipate a multiplication of love all around!

Someday, several year down the road, I anticipate sitting with my girls at the table as they work on their math homework and inevitably the question will be raised, "When am I EVER going to use this stuff, Mom?!"  I'll just smile and say, "Study hard sweetie, you will be surprised when mathematics come in handy!"

Quest For the Perfect Pumpkin

I think 2 is the best age  yet!   I can't even describe how much I'm looking forward to this Holiday season.  We have a little one that actually gets it and appreciates the festivities.  One of my resolutions this year was to be better prepared and more enthusiastic about celebrating the Holidays.  Part of my preparation has been preparing Kylea for the events by discussing the different holidays and what's a part of them.

Apparently my strategy is working because a few days ago we all went out to dinner together.  As we sat eating and chatting all of the sudden Kylea's face lit up, she got VERY excited and she pointed across the room and shouted, "HO, HO, HO!!"  then looked at me very satisfied.  Across the crowded restaurant sat an older gentlemen who was heavier set and was sporting a somewhat impressive gray beard.  "oh yes!" I replied, "he does look an awful lot like Santa."  I hoped this would be enough and she would drop the issue. This however, was not a satisfactory response, so she kept pointing and excitedly shouting, "HO, HO, HO!!"  Through our stifled laughter we quickly packed up our leftovers and left before the gentlemen could notice that he had been identified as Santa.

Christmas is my favorite holiday and I am counting down the days until I can put up our Chrismas tree and bake every holiday goody there is. But to keep to my resolution, we can't skip Holidays so I decided that we really needed to celebrate Halloween by visiting a pumpkin patch and picking our very own pumpkin.  We live somewhat rurally and not too far from our house we noticed a sign outside of a little family farm advertising a pumpkin patch, so we decided to check it out.

I'm SO glad we did.  This farm was AWESOME! There was a hay maze, slide, farm zoo, pony rides, hay ride and an ENORMOUS pumpkin patch.  It made for a very fun Saturday.

First stop, the farm zoo complete with goats, ponies, turkeys, ducks bunnies and a llama named Daryl that gives kisses.

She was scared of the turkeys and wouldn't leave Daddy's arms

The farmer came out and gave Kylea a few huge handfuls of horse feed and Kylea got to feed the gentle ponies.  She was completely thrilled!

More feeding the ponies.

Here we are meeting Daryl the llama.  Kylea was so confused about what kind of animal Daryl was.  She kept saying, "deer??.....Horsey??"

The ponies got jealous of the llama getting attention so one of them let out a whinny.  This caused Kylea to clasp her cheeks with both hands and declare, "Oh gosh!" then she walked right up to the pony and told him to, "shhhh"  it was hilarious. 

Next was a hayride to the pumpkin patch.

cuteness on a hayride

we got to see the huge pumpkin patch, the bee farm, some horses and some sheep.

Then we grabbed our red wagon and set off to find our perfect pumpkin.

we found it, the perfect pumpkin!

Kylea found a pumpkin too!  ......a small, rotten pumpkin

She was so excited to ride back with our "punkin" as she would say.

We had such a good time!   We are going to make it a yearly tradition.  The farmer even sent us home with a souvenir duck egg, I haven't been brave enough to cook it yet. Although the farmer assured us that it would taste the same as a chicken egg.  Now we just have to carve and decorate our pumpkin, that's our FHE for tonight.   

I Love You!

She said it.  Those three words that will melt your heart.

It was a long week.  Kevin is the Elder's quorum president and still working on chasing down leads and promotions in his career (he's ambitious this will be a never-ending quest).  He was very, very busy that week, lots of meetings and lots of time working on various projects for work, church and home in the office.

This particular evening he had some calls to make and business to attend to and so retired to the office to complete his work.  Kylea (who never gets enough daddy time) followed him in there and prepared to sit on his lap.  I followed her in and gently told her that Daddy was very busy and that we needed to go play in the living room.  "Noooo." she cried heart brokenly.  Then she reached out both tiny arms towards her Daddy and cried, "I yuv youuuu!!"

Of course our hearts were instantly melted.  I put her down and let her run toward the outstretched arms of her daddy.

Moments like that, you never want to forget.  We love you too, little miss!

This is how we eat a burrito 

Terrific Two's

Kylea's 2!!  I don't know how it happened, but it did.  It's been such a fun two years.  We've gotten to know this fun-loving, spirited little girl.  She makes us laugh and brightens our lives immeasurably!  We are so glad you are a part of our lives, Kylea!!

To celebrate the birthday girl we went downtown to the brand new City Creek Center.  It's beautiful!  Seriously how many malls can you say that about?  But it really is!

escalator ride up to the mall

 We took the Birthday girl to The Disney Store and let her roam around and pick a present.  It was the biggest Disney Store I have ever seen, complete with a princess castle, big screen tv and every Disney toy and trinket you can imagine.  At first she didn't know what to do with herself, she just stood in the middle of the store, looking around with the widest eyes I have ever seen.  Eventually she began exploring, and exploring (we spent 45 minutes in there) she eventually decided on a stuffed Maximus the horse toy.

 Next, we visited Sephora (a make-up store) Kylea was going to hang outside with Daddy and Grandpa and look at the fish in the creek but she eventually made her way into the store and tried on some lipstick.  She LOVES makeup.


The next day, we invited friends and family over for a Rapunzel princess party.

Welcome to our Rapunzel party!

 The cake that I made for my little princess.  The outside I piped rosettes with pearl centers and the inside is a rainbow cake (two layers and 6 colors!  It was a huge hit with Kylea and the kids)

We chatted and hung out with friends.

Opened presents, with LOTS of help from playgroup friends, haha!

Happy 2nd Birthday, Princess!  We love you so much!!

                                     

An Inconvenience? No, A Treasure!

Humbled? Yes, very.  I feel like I posted that last blog post it has just been floating around in space, weighing on my mind and causing me lots and lots of regret.  It was  a bad day, I should have written those thoughts on a piece of notebook paper and then threw it away!  But, I didn't.  Actually, I'm kind of glad that I didn't because I feel like it was a way for Heavenly Father to really help me see and correct my bad attitude.

Do you ever get the feeling that everything in the world is trying to teach you the same lesson?  I do.  The very next day after posting my frustrations with motherhood and pregnancy I found this quote,

"Remember, you are not raising an inconvenience but a human being."

I hope I'm not the only mom who can say that many times I have treated my sweet little girl as an inconvenience.  "Mommy needs to get dinner on the table,  I can't dance right now!"  How much longer will my sweet little girl want to dance with Mommy?  Not much longer.  A fancy dinner is much less important than those few precious moments spent with my little one.  

Or how about this, "pregnancy is so uncomfortable.  I don't like being pregnant!"  All the while forgetting how I mourned when the Dr. told us that it would likely be a very difficult and long process before we could have another child, and yet, here we are!  It's a miracle!  

Sweet baby, if you read those words, I hope you will remember that your mommy is not perfect (which clearly you will already know) but, I am SO grateful to have the chance to be a Mom!  We are very excited for you to join our family!

In the past, whenever I read about Laman and Lemuel in the Book of Mormon, I used to wonder how they could be so hard hearted.  They seriously witnessed SO many miracles and yet, every opportunity they had, they hardened their hearts and turned against God and their family.   I don't wonder anymore.  I see myself in them.  It's so, so easy to forget.  It's easier to complain, than to be grateful.  

Because of that, I'm grateful for the Lord's infinite mercy in providing the atonement.  So that imperfect complainers (like me!) can repent and keep trying to do better and be better everyday. 

And finally, a quote that I stumbled across shortly after the first one.  The entire talk really stung me and caused me to contemplate my poor attitude and the real value of the things (or rather, people) that I seemingly regarded with disdain.

"When you grow old, when your hair turns white and your body grows weary, when you are prone to sit in a rocker and meditate on the things of your life, nothing will be so important as the question of how your children have turned out.... Do not trade your birthright as a mother for some bauble of passing value....The baby you hold in your arms will grow as quickly as the sunrise and the sunset of the rushing days." -Gordon B. Hinkley

Those words of wisdom have caused me lots of contemplation lately.  I'm feeling especially sensitive to the rush of time since the arrival of Kylea's second birthday. When did she get so big? Wasn't it just yesterday that I held her in my arms for the very first time? More on that, very soon.

Sicky Icky

Written 9/16/2012 another unpublished post 

She hasn't been feeling well lately.  Not that anyone but me could ever tell.  She still runs and jumps and climbs and explores.  But she's cuddles just a little bit longer, complains just a little more often, and falls asleep in funny places.

Sick days are harder.  It means more waking at night.  Chasing around a grumpy toddler with medicine, and caring for runny noses and tired tantrums.  But it also means long afternoon naps cuddled up on the couch together. Reading books and watching movies all snuggled under a blanket.

I was trying to save my reminiscing for her birthday post but I can't help it.  Kylea is almost 2!  I can't believe it!  She's becoming such a beautiful little girl.  I'm exceptionally proud of her.  I know before I can even blink I'll be watching my exceptional little girl go off to college and accomplish exceptional things all on her own.  So I guess that's why I'm soaking in these moments.  They're precious gems in the treasure chest

Confession

You know those women who LOVE being pregnant?  The ones who say they love their bellies and that pregnancy makes them feel sexy? Yeah..... I'm not one of them.  I wish I was, but I'm not.

Confession time.  I hate being pregnant.  Don't get me wrong, I love the end result.  There isn't anyone on planet earth that could deny the fact that we are completely 100% bat crazy in love with our Kylea.  She is the epicenter of my universe.  She and my husband;) But I very much dislike pregnancy.

Nothing makes me feel LESS attractive than pregnancy.  And this pregnancy has definitely been more dramatic than my pregnancy with Kylea.  I've been more tired, cranky, achy, forgetful, and sick than I ever was with little Ky.  I just really hate not feeling like my normal active and healthy self.

On the bright side, we have just exited the 1st trimester.  This has kind of been like stepping into the light after a long and arduous journey through a dark tunnel.  I feel much less sick (though admittedly I still get queasy in the evening time), and I feel much more energetic.  Catching up from the weeks of being able to barely drag myself after Kylea is clearly evident.  My house is a disaster (which has been terrible for my extremely OCD nature) and my family hasn't eaten a square meal in weeks (what kind of "housewife" am I?!).  Thankfully the Lord blessed me with an extremely understanding and helpful companion in life, what would I do without him? Fortunately now, I can stand to open my pantry without running for the bathroom, and I have sufficient energy to prepare a meal AND actually play with Kylea.  It's wonderful.

None of this is meant to overshadow the fact that I AM excited.  It's funny how much different I feel this time around.  Last time, pregnancy was like stepping into the great unknown.  This time, the whole journey is very clear in my mind.  I can picture a tiny snuggly little newborn.  I can see all of the milestones that we will traverse clearly in my mind.  I am excited for Kylea to be a big sister.  She loves babies, she is naturally very nurturing and gentle and will be an excellent big sister! It's just a long and difficult journey to that point.

this belly is only 13 weeks along.  Look how enormous already!  I am literally trembling to see what the 3rd trimester brings me.

It's a blurry picture, but it very clearly depicts life the way it is right now.  My bed is unmade and a solely diaper clad Kylea is attempting to give me a sandwich.