Neila's Birth Story

All birth is miraculous, special and life changing. Bringing life into the world is no light matter.  But what happens when you peel back all the layers and medical interventions and let it just be birth as God intended it to be?  The answer? The most miraculous, empowering and magnificent experience you could possibly have.

Neila's story began on a cold March morning March 22, 2013.  I woke up and had a sixth sense impression that baby was making her way into the world.  It was like I could feel the dilating.  We got up took care of Kylea and then decided to vacuum the carpet hoping that it would speed things along.   It did!  The birth plug came out and contractions set in at about every ten minutes.  I called Kevin and asked him to come home in case things got serious.  

All day I was filled with a ton of anxious-excited nesting energy.  I went to Walmart and picked up all of our Easter supplies came home took a nap with Kylea and then went back out to Target to pick up a few organizational and decorative items for baby's room.  I tidied and organized, cuddled and played with Kylea all evening long.  

At about 8:30 I started to feel a little tired and stressed so I put on my hypnobirthing affirmations and birth music and brought myself back to a calm state.  Contractions were still at 10 minute intervals and growing in pressure but with a little relaxation and breathing not painful.

At 9:00 we laid down with Kylea to read her scriptures, say a prayer and put her to bed.  The second I crawled into bed, my water broke.  This is when things started to really pick up.

Kevin called the midwife who told us that for the first time ever she had another Mom at the center who had JUST given birth.  She told us to keep her posted.  We decided to just hang out for a bit and finish with Kylea's bedtime routine.  As I lay snuggled up next to Kylea the frequency of the contractions seemed to increase (though I wasn't timing them) and I knew we should head out soon unless I wanted to deliver a baby in the van.

We grabbed our bags, left some probably over detailed information for my in-laws who were staying with us and would be watching Kylea.

We live in Eagle Mountain, which 35-40 minutes away from the birthing center.  It was 10:30 at night and a light snow was falling.  Kevin and I chatted and laughed and took little breaks for me to relax and breath through a contraction which were now coming at 5 minute intervals.

When we got to the birth center, our midwife Rebecca asked Kevin if I was this calm last time I birthed, she was surprised to hear that I was in active labor and still calm and smiling. All the midwife could offer us was her (rather comfy) waiting room since the couple who had just birthed were still being checked out.  We turned on Harry Potter and snuggled up on the couch together.  Kevin rubbed my back and we relaxed.  

(photo from great expectations birthing suite site)

Rebecca started an IV (because I tested positive for strep b) towards the end of the drip I started transitioning.  Everything got REALLY hot I suddenly couldn't sit still anymore.  This is where Kevin deserves the golden star award for best and most supportive husband he rubbed my back, held me, reminded me to breath and was my rock of support and kept me level headed.  Meanwhile Rebecca and her daughter RAN through the office quickly cleaning and preparing the tub so that I could get in.

(photo from great expectations birthing suite site)

When the tub was ready I practically dove in.....sweet relief!  I could just float and focus on pushing my baby down.  Kevin knelt by my head gently speaking encouragement and stroking my head.  I was tuned in, I could feel her wiggling her way down with each contraction I breathed out.  I probably could have pushed her out in a single heave but we wanted the birth to be gentle on me too so we practiced controlled breathing during contractions (NOT pushing) Finally she emerged and with an artful summersault by our skilled midwife, Rebecca she was freed from the cord that was wrapped around her little neck and in my arms.  

scooping her out of her watery environment

She stared with wide open eyes and blinked so lucid and curious her cord was allowed to pulse and support her while she struggled through her first breaths.  

I don't think there's anything more spiritual than staring into the face of your newborn child for the first time.  This time, in addition to the wonder of taking in all of her beauty I was filled with an amazing sense of power, fulfillment and family bonding.  I felt closer than ever to Kevin, how could I have made it through this journey as peacefully as I did without him? And our baby, I got to travel deep inside myself and truly experience her journey into the world.  I didn't stare awkwardly into the face of strangers while wondering if my "pushing face" looked weird.  I was totally present and focused on the end prize the entire time.  We made the journey together, all of us.

We spent the next couple hours snuggling and nursing. Rebecca brought us cinnamon rolls to celebrate the birth of our beautiful baby girl.  When enough time to bond in a relaxed way had passed we took measurements.

She's 7lbs 6oz!

19 and 1/4 inches

and passed her first exam with flying colors

Then we got dressed and ready to settle into bed.  A REAL bed with room for Kevin to sleep too.

(photo from great expectations birthing suite site)

The next morning we woke up to a delicious meal of huckleberry pancakes, bacon and eggs and juice prepared by Rebecca.  Neila settled into the boppy and hung out while we enjoyed our breakfast in bed.

I feel so blessed to have been able to bring this sweet little life into the world in such a peaceful calm and empowering environment.  

The magic continued when we got to introduce our little Neila to her big sister Kylea.  Kylea has claimed her as her own and wants to be wherever baby is.  We love our new addition!

Birth Story-The Long Version originally entitled "Little Angel"

I wrote this a couple days after Kylea was born but decided not to post it because I thought it was too long and boring.  But now 6 months later I think the details are priceless. So....this post is for me.

“Here’s to parenthood.” Says Kevin while raising his water bottle before taking a swig and downing two Advil for a headache brought on by exhaustion.  “To parenthood” I parrot back while raising my own water bottle and downing the fist full of prescriptions I was sent home with.

 Just two days before this scene I was exactly 9 months and 3 days pregnant and at the end of my quickly fraying rope.  “Just come out baby.” I would plead with my pregnant belly.  We decided to put to rest EVERY wives tale we could get our hands on, I sniffed different herbs, went on several long walks, ate nothing but eggplant parmesan (rumored to induce labor within 48 hrs) applied pressure to all the pressure points that induce labor the list goes on.  By about 10 o’clock that night exhausted we went to bed gave each other a kiss goodnight and hoped that maybe tomorrow would be the big day.  I fell asleep thinking, “Stupid wivestales!”

Inexplicably at 12:30 I jumped out of bed and about 10 seconds later there was a giant rush of water.  It’s like I could sense it coming, I whisper yelled, “LOVEY, I think my water just broke!”  Kevin sat straight up in bed and said “seriously?!”  His voice was dripping with excitement and a hint of anxiety.  My heart was soaring; the day we get to meet our baby was FINALLY here!  I wasn’t sure how much longer we would have to wait but I decided that I had better get some sleep so I changed pj’s and jumped back in bed to catch a few more winks. 

The problem with the few more winks was this crushing sensation that I had to use the restroom.  I still hadn’t realized that this sensation was caused by the contractions that I didn’t know I was having.  By 2:00 I had enough of “sleeping” so I quietly slipped out of bed and walked around getting things situated. I popped in season 5 of “The Office” to keep myself company.  After a couple discs of The Office I found that our one bedroom apartment just didn’t contain enough space to accommodate the pacing that I felt compelled to do.  So I headed to the gym at our apartment complex to walk on the treadmill. I hadn’t walked more than 10 min. when I got a call from Kevin who had just woke up and was wondering where I was.

I went back home and relaxed with the techniques that we had practiced with Kevin as my coach.  Things were going amazing with the hypnobirthing, contractions were uncomfortable but not painful it was more of a feeling of intense pressure than pain.

By 6:30 the contractions had set into a regular rhythm and pattern spaced about 3-4 min. apart so we decided to head to the hospital to get situated.  I was calm and relaxed but the contractions were building in intensity and I was anxious to get into the jetted tub in the hospital room.

Labor and delivery nurses see women in labor all day every single day and their attitude reflects this.  Here I am trying to relax and focus and every 14 seconds there’s a nurse in my face, shoving clipboard after clipboard of paperwork in my face.  Saying things like, when you get a free moment go ahead and fill these out.  In my head I’m thinking.  “Are you serious? !  When exactly do you think I'm going to have a free moment? I may look calm but it’s not like I’m on vacation here!” The words on the page looked like complete nonsense and when I did decipher the words I realized the piles of papers were all asking the same questions over and over again.  I'm usually a calm person but this realization was completely maddening.  I had to wonder exactly what was the point in pre-registering?

For about four and a half hours I spent my time trying to relax, finally getting to the point where I felt comfortable again only to have a nurse come in and tell me to go somewhere else.  I was constantly being bombarded with seemingly simple requests like, “we need you to lay down here for just a minute and stay hooked up to these monitors for 10 min. can you do that?  We’ll be back in a jiffy to take them off.”  I would sit tethered to one spot for as long as I could stand it (usually about 40 min to an hour) before ripping them off and doing what I needed to get comfy again. This would set off alarms and send nurses running in immediately.  I felt no sympathy, that's what you get when you neglect a woman in labor!

The icing on the cake was when they hooked me up to an IV and said that I needed to let it drip for 30 min. then I would again be free to do as I pleased.  For 3 hours I laid tethered to a 3 foot by 3 foot radius trying my very best to stay calm and relaxed through contractions.  It became apparent as different nurses ran in that it was a very disorganized night and that this would continue to happen to me over and over again. Kevin was furious with the staff and kept running out into the hall trying to get help. 

At 10:30 my midwife came in checked me and announced that I probably would not have the baby until 5pm. At this point I became very discouraged.  I was hungry, tired and frustrated that I wasn’t being allowed to labor the way that I wanted to labor. I had not slept at all since the night before and hadn’t eaten anything since my dinner at about 6pm the night before since the hospital only allows ice chips.  The revelation that I would have to wait another 6.5 hours brought a feeling of desperation.  I was handling the contractions calmly and quietly but every hour that passed I could feel my composure waning. I knew I could not stay calm and relaxed  until 5 pm under those circumstances.  And so, with tears in my eyes and sadness in my heart I asked for the epidural. 

The rest of labor progressed quickly; I refused the pitocin they tried to give me when my contractions went through a lax period.  The nurse rolled her eyes and muttered something about this baby not coming until next week.  I didn't care, the epidural was more then I had wanted I wasn't about to let them dope me up with their "road to c-section" meds.  Instead, I laid there doing my birth visualizations and actually getting a couple minutes of rest (not sleep).  Approximately 30 min after refusing pitocin I had a wave of nausea like nothing I have ever experienced.  I looked at Kevin and said,  “I think I’m going to be sick! Bring me the trash can!”  He brought me the trashcan and ran out into the hallway to find a nurse.  The charge nurse came in checked me and with a sheer look of shock and amazement she said, “we’re ready to have a baby!”

My midwife was amazing, even though I got the epidural he treated the labor just the same as if it had been a hypnobirth.  We kept the lights down low, kept the room quiet and only let one nurse assist with the labor.  I pushed for about half an hour when Pete (my midwife) said, “we’re almost there just a few more pushes and you’ll be parents! Take a look.”  Kevin gasped, “I can see her head” I looked up and there it was….a baby!  I felt new life and energy and was able to push harder than ever thinking the whole time, ”the harder I push the sooner we get to meet our baby!”

When I looked up at Kevin I saw just the tiniest tear slip down the side of his cheek.  “ok daddy, get ready to receive your baby.” I saw his expression change to all business as he gloved up and stepped over to receive the baby.   With one immense effort from me our baby was born at 3:36pm after fifteen and a half hours of labor into her daddy’s arms.

There she was, gobs of dark hair, cherubic chubby cheeks, tiny pouty lips, perfection.  Kevin followed her as the nurses took measurements and checked apgars. He made sure no bright lights were shined on her and she was handled gently. The nurse kept cooing about what a BEAUTIFUL newborn she was and settled on calling her "little angel."

We are tired, and still bewildered by the inner workings of a diaper change but we are learning.  We feel so blessed to have been given this precious child, our very own Little Angel.

The Miracle of Life

“Just a few more pushes and you’ll be parents” I felt the sting of tears as the immensity of the moment hit me, I looked up into Kevin’s face, my rock of support during the 15.5 hour long labor and repeated the words with wonder, “we’re going to be parents!”  I will never forget the tears in his eyes as he smiled back and squeezed my hand. 

“Ok, daddy are you ready to receive your daughter?” asked the doctor.  Kevin’s face changed to all business as he gloved up and with one last immense effort from me our daughter was born into her daddy’s arms and placed up on my tummy under a warm receiving blanket. 

Nothing I can think of will ever compare to this moment.

Or this one.

Or this one.

Though the birth didn’t go as I had planned (after 10.5 hours of active labor I asked for an epidural) it was still one of the single greatest experiences of my life.  I will say that the next baby we have will most likely not be born in a hospital environment as it’s not suitable for medicine free birth.  I was managing labor extraordinarily well until I was forced to follow hospital protocols and procedures which meant no food, no mobility and constant paperwork and distractions.  Keeping myself in a deep state of relaxation proved impossible. I kept being forgotten about since the nurses were short staffed that evening and were dealing with several emergencies that night. They would say things like, we need you to hold still for 20 min. while we get this reading and then they wouldn't return to check on me for 3 more hours.  I knew similar situations would continue occurring and on no sleep (my water broke at 12 am) and no food (hospitals only allow ice chips) I didn’t feel in the right state of mind to calmly handle them unmedicated. 

After overcoming my initial grief at not following through with my plans I look back on the birth of my first with nothing but fondness.  Though I was medicated for the last 5 hours, the birth environment was still exactly what I had dreamed, unhurried with only the midwife, one nurse and Kevin present. Following her birth we were allowed to soak in every beautiful moment with our precious little baby.  It was nothing short of one of the most spiritual experiences of my life.  I felt an instant bond with the baby and a new reckless abandon kind of love for my husband.  We’re a family now!

Maureen Hawkins sums my emotions exactly when she says,

“Before you were conceived, I wanted you.

Before you were born, I loved you.

Before you were here an hour, I would die for you.

This is the miracle of love.”

We're blissfully sleep deprived and loving every minute of our new role as parents.  Babies allow us to view the world with a whole new kind of wonder.  The miracle of life, what an honor to be a part of it!  

Birth Day

This monday was a special day, because it was the day that it was officially safe to have the baby!  I don't think I've looked forward to anything more in my entire life.  I feel like a kid trying to sleep on Christmas Eve. How can I when SANTA is coming?!

When I wake up to baby's kicks and wiggles I say, "Good morning little one, today could be your birthday! Come on out!"  It seems like she is listening because on Saturday she "dropped".  This just means that the baby drops down into the pelvis signaling the body's preparation for labor and birth.  The doctor said he wouldn't be surprised to see her within the next two weeks. 

I can only describe myself this week as having tunnel vision.  I'm completely focused on birth and the day we get to meet our little one.  I'm surely driving everyone around me insane with my constant banter about labor and birth.  But it's an exciting time for us and my body has had about all it can take of pregnancy now.  I'm still hanging in there though and trying to remember that when the time is right, the baby will come.


As you all know I am choosing to have a natural birth using HypnoBirthing techniques.  An important part of a HypnoBirth is releasing fear and staying calm and relaxed during the birthing process.   I have found that watching a video which I originally saw in my birthing class of a woman birthing her child through hypnobirth has helped ease whatever anxiety I have had about birthing naturally.

I really believe that we need to start removing the negative connotations surrounding birthing and replace them with the reality that birth can be a physically challenging yet still positive experience.  For that reason I have attached the video.  


*****WARING******  This is a real live birth so be aware of that before you click on the link.  If I had to rate this clip I would rate it pg-13 only because she breastfeeds her infant after it's born and you get a full view of that.  That is the ONLY nudity in the clip though.  If you have been curious about how I'm going to make it through birth without an epidural watch this video, it will change your life!  Keep in mind that during the entire clip this woman is in the stage where most Hollywood movies portray women screaming and throwing things because of  how much pain they're experiencing.  See how calmly and serenely she manages the "pushing" stage, INCREDIBLE!

Calm Beautiful HypnoBirth

Dear Baby

My Dearest Baby,


How lucky I am to be your mommy.  You amaze me, every move you make within my belly confirms to me that you are growing in the way you should.  We wait with great anticipation for the day you come into the world. We have prepared a place for you in our home and in our hearts.  I am preparing myself to be your mommy, I am learning how to feed you and comfort you so that you will feel safe and secure in your new home.


I hope that our diligence in helping you feel safe and secure in your infancy creates a lasting impression on you.  May you always feel safe to run to my arms, no matter how big you may be.  May we grow nearer to each other as the years wear on and not farther apart.


May you grow to be healthy and happy and may you remember your childhood with fondness.  I wish for you to accomplish all that you dream and we promise to do all that we can help you achieve your dreams.


I promise sweet baby to talk to you in a way that you will listen and to listen to you in such a way that you will talk.  I promise to love you no matter what you do.


Believe in the power of prayer my sweet baby, believe in the power of love.  Believe in the power of my love for you.  I love you, we’ll meet soon.


With all the Love in my Heart,
Your Mommy

Flow

Being an exercise and sport science major in college has led me to exposure to a variety of applications of this field.  One of the applications is sport psychology.  It was in this class that I learned Mihaly Csikzentmihalyi’s (pronounced chicks-n-mah-hall-ya) concept of flow.

Flow is completely focused motivation.  It is single-minded immersion and represents the ultimate in harnessing the emotions in the service of performing and learning.  In flow the emotions are not just contained and channeled, but positive, energized and aligned wit the task at hand.  Flow is nothing new to athletes and is often referred to as being “in the zone”, or “in the groove”.  Csikzentmihalyi emphasizes that flow can be a learned state and that athletes can spend more of their performance time in this ideal state when they learn how to harness it.

One of my most meaningful experiences with flow occurred my freshman year of highschool.  I loved to swim and so I joined the swim team.  Though I could swim well enough to survive a nice leisure swim I found competitive swimming left me in the dust and I spent most of the season performing about as well as you would expect someone who had never even heard of a dolphin kick to perform, very mediocre.  Despite this fact, I loved the sport and loved learning and growing in it.

Before long districts rolled around and the team loaded onto a nice charter bus to go down to a town that was a couple hours away.  Those who qualified for the second day of districts would stay at a hotel with the team and then compete the next day. Those who did not qualify would be sent on the ride of shame home on a school bus that very night.

I wanted desperately to be able to stay and compete the next day and the entire trip down to the meet I spent in quiet meditation.  I pictured every flip turn, every stroke….my goal; not to get last place, it would be humiliating to get last place.    Being nowhere near the star of the team I was only entered in one single event, the breaststroke.  This event is the second to last in a swim meet, so I had the ENTIRE day to sit and think and think and think about my race.

When the moment came for my swim I was more focused than I had ever been in my entire life; every fiber of my body was focused on the event on hand.  The buzzer sounded and I dove.  The familiar peace of the water surrounded me and I pushed myself as hard as I could, the peace only interrupted by my bobs above water for air.  After my second turn I took a peek to the right and then to the left….there was no one in sight and my heart sank because I knew I was in dead last place. 

More invigorated than ever I pushed even harder.  I pulled and kicked with all my might to the finish line if I was going to be last at least I could set a PR.  Upon completion my body felt rubbery and my head swimmy.  I turned around and realized that I hadn’t been able to see anyone because I was so far ahead, not behind those in my heat.  I had beat everyone in my heat by at least a pool length and set a new personal best that was a full 10-15 seconds (time has made this number difficult to remember) faster than my fastest time all season.  It was one of the most fulfilling and exciting races of my life.

Over the next few years my swimming skills increased and I was no longer struggling for last place on my swims.  But year after year the strange phenomenon continued, I performed leaps and bounds better at the district meet than I had all year.  

I credit my success at those meets to the set-up of such events.  We got the entire day off of school and a whole day to focus on just one thing, swimming.  This allowed me to perform in a way I had never thought possible.

I relive this small victory because we just attended our first hypnobirthing class and the concepts I learned in our first class sounded very similar to this “flow” experience.   I was relieved to hear that hypnosis is not the cheesy dangling a watch in front of your face saying, “you are feeling sleepy” then snapping the person into unconsciousness.  They related it more to the focus you find while engrossed in a book, or staring into a fire. 

The message is, when you prepare for birth by releasing preconceived feelings of fear and trepidation and greet the birthing process with calm relaxation and focus you can experience a more comfortable birth.  I left the class feeling ultimately empowered and believing in the power of my own mind and the ability of my body to birth a baby.  This is what these were created to do, bring a baby into the world, why should I be afraid?

I found this quote particularly inspirational:

How we give birth matters!

What our babies experience shapes who they are.

What a mother experiences at the very transition form maiden to other changes her. Gentle, natural birth unlocks something primal at our very core that makes mothering easier (and) makes families stronger…If parents would only realize that every single decision they make from conception onward influence the outcome of their birth, they could reclaim what they didn’t even know was lost.

-Kim Wildner,  Mother’s intention

I loved the physiological and medical explanations supporting natural childbirth. We learned how natural (not synthetic) oxytocin stimulate uterine contractions and promote bonding between mother and baby, how adrenaline kicks in at the end in a healthy way and how all these hormones and systems work together in harmony to deliver an infant safely into your arms. 

We then compared this to synthetic induction, pain relievers and medical interventions and how this changes everything from the temperament of the baby to the degree of bonding between baby and parents.

So I’ve been listening to birthing affirmations as well as the self-hypnosis track that is supposed to be training me to go into deep relaxation during birth. With every listen I feel more reassured and peaceful about the arrival of my baby girl.  It's funny how it has changed even my outlook beyond birth, I feel much more peace about welcoming our little one into our home as well.  

I’m thinking of birth as a tremendous challenge that if prepared for properly I can handle with grace.  So I release all the fear I previously had associated with childbirth and look forward to the day with joy and excitement.

Natural vs Medicated

Question of the day, natural or medicated childbirth? The decision time has come, it’s time to sign up for childbirthing classes and it has left me with the tough decision of which one to sign up for. Should I do the regular childbirth class for mothers who will most likely choose a medicated labor, the natural birth option which covers several different options for coping with natural childbirth, or the hypnobirth class which focuses on the specific technique of hypnobirthing to cope with childbirth.

I had never even considered natural childbirth prior to getting pregnant, I always just thought why suffer in pain when there are medications that can make it painless? But as I have learned more facts and gained some more insight I’m beginning to see the benefit of having this baby naturally.

Here is a short list of some benefits of natural childbirth that I have found;

1. Mothers who labor naturally can move freely, go to the bathroom, walk and change positions throughout labor. According to the Cochrane Review, recent studies have shown that getting medication makes changing positions even after birth more difficult.

2. Since you can feel your body's reflexes in natural childbirth, mothers can push better and generally faster. In fact studies show that getting an epidural prolongs your pushing time.

3. The pain during labor serves a purpose by guiding the mother to seek certain positions. For example, if her back hurts, she will naturally seek positions off her back which can help to turn her baby. Having back pain is one sign that the baby might be posterior and needs to rotate.

4. Mothers often describe that their recovery after a natural childbirth was faster and easier since they could get right up and walk and shower. Usually they eat right away and their appetite is normal. (a plus since the pain killers for my wisdom teeth made me violently ill)

5. Endorphins secreted during a natural childbirth have been found in the placenta and umbilical cord. This may serve a purpose to help the baby adjust to life outside as well as make the journey more comfortable for baby.

6. Research has shown that in mothers who have natural childbirth, babies are more alert and show more interest in pre-breast feeding behaviors such as sucking, as well as the actual length of time they spend nursing within the first 90 minutes.

That is a pretty convincing list of arguments! All of which I had never previously considered.

Here’s a list of reasons to have a medicated labor;

1. Mothers who are having a very long labor can benefit from using pain medication to get some rest before the pushing stage.

2. If the mother is tensing up during contractions, pain medication can help her relax so that her body is not fighting against the labor.

3. If the mother has a lot of fear about birth or issues from her past, it may affect the progress of her labor. At times, medication may help to ease her anxiety.

Also, a good reasons to have a medicated labor. But it seems that the evidence supports opting for a natural childbirth initially and if it carries on for to long to resort to medication.

So that decision is made now, which method do I use to cope with the labor? It’s a very difficult decision. I had no idea how many options there are out there associated with everything related to children and babies. And there seems to be no right answer, it’s simply a matter of preference. So I suppose I’ll just have to put my mind to work on this problem and search out which method fits me and my needs the best.