Birth Day

This monday was a special day, because it was the day that it was officially safe to have the baby!  I don't think I've looked forward to anything more in my entire life.  I feel like a kid trying to sleep on Christmas Eve. How can I when SANTA is coming?!

When I wake up to baby's kicks and wiggles I say, "Good morning little one, today could be your birthday! Come on out!"  It seems like she is listening because on Saturday she "dropped".  This just means that the baby drops down into the pelvis signaling the body's preparation for labor and birth.  The doctor said he wouldn't be surprised to see her within the next two weeks. 

I can only describe myself this week as having tunnel vision.  I'm completely focused on birth and the day we get to meet our little one.  I'm surely driving everyone around me insane with my constant banter about labor and birth.  But it's an exciting time for us and my body has had about all it can take of pregnancy now.  I'm still hanging in there though and trying to remember that when the time is right, the baby will come.


As you all know I am choosing to have a natural birth using HypnoBirthing techniques.  An important part of a HypnoBirth is releasing fear and staying calm and relaxed during the birthing process.   I have found that watching a video which I originally saw in my birthing class of a woman birthing her child through hypnobirth has helped ease whatever anxiety I have had about birthing naturally.

I really believe that we need to start removing the negative connotations surrounding birthing and replace them with the reality that birth can be a physically challenging yet still positive experience.  For that reason I have attached the video.  


*****WARING******  This is a real live birth so be aware of that before you click on the link.  If I had to rate this clip I would rate it pg-13 only because she breastfeeds her infant after it's born and you get a full view of that.  That is the ONLY nudity in the clip though.  If you have been curious about how I'm going to make it through birth without an epidural watch this video, it will change your life!  Keep in mind that during the entire clip this woman is in the stage where most Hollywood movies portray women screaming and throwing things because of  how much pain they're experiencing.  See how calmly and serenely she manages the "pushing" stage, INCREDIBLE!

Calm Beautiful HypnoBirth

Sweet Dreams?

Bedtime used to be a magical time for me.  It was the time when the relief of head on pillow meant a restful night spent in the sweet release of my dreams.  Snuggled into the crook of my husband’s arm I spent the night being untethered by earthly bounds like gravity, fashion, disappointments or whatever.    To put it quite simply, I love bedtime!  I found this poem that reflects how I used to feel about bedtime.

Dream with me

Author: unknown

Dream with me

Dream with me

Cuddle up asleep

Bedtime is a magical time

Dream with me asleep

Notice the key word, USED to.  My once magical bedtime routine has turned into something more of a nightmare.  Now when I go to bed I amble through my routine with a sore pelvis and slightly puffy feet, hands and face.  I dig like a mad woman through my clothes to find comfortable (not too hot) pj’s that still fit and then proceed through the acrobatics required to change clothes these days.  I then kick the dog off his usual resting spot at the foot of the bed…. though my internal body temperature may feel fine now, I know that any amount of cuddling will cause it rapidly shoot up to what feels like the temperature of explosive hot lava.  Once ample room has been secured, I crawl into bed and begin carefully constructing the necessary pillow architecture around me to sleep.  Pillows are situated under every curve and crook of my body to support me and avoid the achy breathlessness I feel when laying down unsupported.  Now instead of snuggling into the crook of my husband’s arm I groan and flop down into my carefully constructed nest to sleep.  Dear husband crawls gingerly into bed, and leans over my substantial barrier to give me a peck goodnight and then migrates to “his side” of the bed.

I am comfortable for approximately 10 minutes, and then I get an ache.  If I ignore the ache, it grows and grows and grows until suddenly some part of my body is virtually audibly shouting at me to TURN OVER!  This is much easier said than done.  Currently my attempts at flipping over take several tries and when executed closely resemble a beached whale frantically thrashing around in our bed.  This state of affairs continues on, interrupted by frequent trips to the bathroom throughout the entire night until it becomes impossible to sleep.  The transition from attempting to sleep to knowing sleep is impossible happens because apparently sleeping has become such a chore for me that it causes me to become RAVENOUSLY hungry by approximately 4:30 am, which in turn causes the baby to pitch a fit in my belly..... sleep is now impossible. 

Needless to say this insomnia has affected my mental faculties during the day. I have found that though I begin each day bursting with excitement and anticipation and an ambitious “to-do" list, somewhere around mid afternoon I completely run out of steam and end up crash landing somewhere around the house for a nap.  I don’t really like naps; I consider them to be the ultimate waste of time (can you tell that I have definitely inherited the western culture’s sense of urgency?) 

I am frustrated by the current state of affairs, so I have rewritten the aforementioned poem, to better suit my new attitude toward bedtime which I fear will not end even after I am no longer pregnant as this means I will then be the mother of a helpless little infant….sigh.

DREAM WITH ME?

-Paula Hart

Longing to Dream

Longing to Dream

Yearning to cuddle up asleep

Bedtime is an exasperating time

Sleeping is a luxury.

Longing to dream, asleep

Preparation eases Trepidation

I didn't want to become one of "those" people.  You know, the ones who never have anything to say except when it comes to their kids.  It's funny how the twists and turns of life can change your opinions and ambitions.  I have found myself becoming one of "those" people and I'm not even a mom yet.  I eat, drink, sleep and dream  this little baby.

So, if baby bragging is not your cup of tea, discontinue reading this post because it's going to be baby, baby baby!

We have spent the last several months educating ourselves on what we need to do to be good parents.  We have read several books, surfed the internet, talked to doctors, taken a birthing class, and rearranged finances.  I've researched what to eat, how much to exercise and popped gigantic horse sized prenatal vitamin everyday to give my baby the best of everything while she is growing and preparing for her grand entrance.  Everything we have done has been carefully thought out timed and planned.  So I wouldn't consider the decision to become parents an impulse decision or an accident.  But, I still felt unprepared.

If I could name one thing that was bothering me as we drew nearer to a full term baby it was that though we had prepared in many ways we still hadn't purchased any of the real essentials to take care of our baby when she came home.  So, to ease my edgy nerves Kevin suggested we go to the store last weekend and make the final plunge.  We filled our cart with; binky's, bottles, breast-pump, bath tub, bed set, bottle cleaners, baby hygiene kit, diaper bag, changing pads, tiny hangers and more.

Once we got home I was completely excited to get everything situated.  Since my tummy is getting big enough that it is inconvenient to maneuver around the baby's crib I made Kevin help.

smoothing out the creases on baby's sheets

I have to say the finished product makes me very happy.  I took this video immediately after we finished assembling the bedding and mobile.  I have since added some teddy bears and other accessories but it looks basically the same.

Our next biggest thing was the jogging stroller.  I have been a runner for nearly my entire life and would like to get back into it once the baby is born and so a jogging stroller was a necessity.  Thanks to the amazing generosity of my Grandma we were able to get what I consider to be the Mercedes Benz of jogging strollers; the Indie Bumbleride.  I took it out for a practice spin and it was incredible!  It turns corners on a dime, powers over speed bumps and rough terrain and looks terrific doing it.  I can't wait for walks/jogs with baby girl and the dog.  I'm training her young to become my little running buddy.

                                 

Kevin and Tekoa putting the stroller together

It came with the adapter bar so that our car seat can fit into it.  Safe easy ride for baby!

This is the view looking down from the handle bar.  Hi baby!

A blurry picture of Tekoa telling me how excited he is for a baby sister!

Once she gets big enough she can ride without the car seat

ignore messy house....the dog decided to pull out all his toys while he watched us put stroller together

Once of our best accomplishment this weekend though was getting Kevin to clean out his side of the closet so that baby could move her things in.   We donated many things to chartiy and threw out an astonishing amount of things that he had hung onto for these past several years.  

Baby gets this entire rack now!

And the entire bottom rack of the closet.  (Many thanks to the baby shower Grandparents and Great Grandparents that provided these clothes) Because of my obsessive need to organize things, the clothes are sorted by age and type.  Kevin made me take a rest before I got down to organizing them by color.

I have heard that babies actually need surprisingly little.  But, I'm a planner and I just can't say how amazing it feels to have all the things to keep her safe, warm, clean and loved through her infancy.  Now I feel like I can look forward to the day of her birth with the peace that comes from knowing that we have done all that we can to prepare for parenthood.   And maybe I'll think about getting some of that rest everyone keeps telling me to catch up on too!

Looks that can STOP traffic!

Look at this face

Isn't it neat?

Wouldn't you think I'm the girl, who has everything?

Tekoa gets out for a walk every single day, twice a day.  Every time we go out you can bet that there will be at least 2-3 people that compliment us on how awesome or cute or striking our dog is.  Some want to pet him, others mention it as they stick to the far side of the sidewalk.  We're used to him getting compliments.

Yesterday's compliment took the cake though.  Tekoa and I got into the car to make a trip over to UPS to ship some textbooks.  It was a nice day so I decided to roll the windows down and let him sniff out the window. We pulled up to a stop light and suddenly I hear someone yelling out, "excuse me! excuse me!"  I look over to see a man stopped directly next to us in his car (he stopped a full 3 car lengths short of where he should have stopped so that he could be even with us) with his windows rolled down leaning out to yell at me.  "Oh great." I thought in my vanity.  Continuing on in the same line of thought, "I don't want your number....can't you see I'm married AND pregnant?"  As I was debating over whether or not to ignore him the next thing he said made up my mind, "how old is your dog?"  I felt instantly sheepish, silly me!  I'm not the one with the superhuman ability to bring traffic to a stop it's my 15 month old husky!  

The military man in the SUV and I had a nice minute and a half long chat through our windows about my handsome little husky boy before the light changed and traffic moved on.  

Tekoa is a very handsome pup, but what makes him great is his sweet natured personality and hilarious antics.  We call him our "woo-woo" because of the woo-woo sound he frequently makes to "talk" to us. 

Here is a typical saturday morning at the Hart's house.  Tekoa jumps up on the bed for a few scratches and to beg for his morning walk.

Or how about this..... Kevin and Tekoa in training for football season.  Notice how Tekoa only jumps up on "hike!"

There's more to this face than just it's dashing good looks.  Underneath that handsome exterior is the sweetest most loveable little pup there ever was.  And that's the truth!

Dear Baby

My Dearest Baby,


How lucky I am to be your mommy.  You amaze me, every move you make within my belly confirms to me that you are growing in the way you should.  We wait with great anticipation for the day you come into the world. We have prepared a place for you in our home and in our hearts.  I am preparing myself to be your mommy, I am learning how to feed you and comfort you so that you will feel safe and secure in your new home.


I hope that our diligence in helping you feel safe and secure in your infancy creates a lasting impression on you.  May you always feel safe to run to my arms, no matter how big you may be.  May we grow nearer to each other as the years wear on and not farther apart.


May you grow to be healthy and happy and may you remember your childhood with fondness.  I wish for you to accomplish all that you dream and we promise to do all that we can help you achieve your dreams.


I promise sweet baby to talk to you in a way that you will listen and to listen to you in such a way that you will talk.  I promise to love you no matter what you do.


Believe in the power of prayer my sweet baby, believe in the power of love.  Believe in the power of my love for you.  I love you, we’ll meet soon.


With all the Love in my Heart,
Your Mommy

Shopping Makes Me Ungrateful

Just yesterday I was peacefully at home doing some morning studying while digesting a delicious breakfast I had just made myself.  This is not my normal routine, on a normal day the dog comes first.  On this particular day I just didn’t feel like walking yet, at 9:00am it was already a spicy 85 degrees outside.  So I ignored his needs and saw to mine, big mistake.

When I popped up from studying to check on him all seemed well, he was chewing a toy….WAIT those are MY sandals!!!!!!!! You little stinker butt!!!!  Not only had he chewed them he had devoured a whole side.  (See exhibit A below)

Exhibit A- one chewed sandal

Those were somewhat expensive as far as sandals go, and they were my favorite because they match my purse, which makes me feel fresh and accessorized.  In my pregnant state not many things make me feel cute or put together but these sandals could pull any outfit together.  Farewell my friends.

Exhibit B-matching purse

When I talked to Kevin I told him the bad news to which his nonchalant response was, “ just go buy some new ones.”  I tried to argue that I couldn’t possibly do that; we have too many things to buy for the baby, blah, blah, and blah.  Deep down inside I was avoiding the department store because I was afraid of awakening my alter ego, shopping-Paula.

Shopping-Paula resembles regular everyday Paula in many ways.  She looks like her, talks like her, and laughs like her, which is why it’s so difficult to recognize her for what she is when she emerges.  

On this day regular-Paula entered Old Navy for a pair of $3 flip-flops.  Regular Paula makes a bee-line (or is it b line?)  to the wall of flip-flops to select a sensible pair to replace the destroyed ones.  Upon reaching the wall the switch begins to occur, a bright shiny sign displaying a SALE!  Two pairs for only $5.00!  Shopping-Paula reasons that with the sale each individual pair is now only $2.50 a whole $0.50 cheaper than what she had expected.  Feeling like she has a surplus of money now she cruises each pair of flip-flops selects two pairs (instead of just one like regular-Paula had intended to buy) and then sets off to peruse the rest of the store.

Shopping-Paula is inherently ungrateful, she hates everything that she owns at home and is convinced that she has nothing at all that is nice to wear. So, she loads her arms with clothing, being especially attracted to anything that is “on sale” even if that sale only saves her a few cents. 

Somewhere along the line regular-Paula tries to take over, she says, “Maybe you ought to add up what all of that will cost you.  And perhaps you had better try them on to see if it’s something that you would even wear.”  Shopping-Paula agrees, “Yes!  Try them on!”  On her way to the dressing room she grabs several more items, just in case she hates that one shirt she’s thinking about.   

The dressing room is where the battle between my alter ego and me becomes especially frightening.  I will spare you the details for fear that it will sound too much like Smeagle and Gollum duking it out for “my precious”.  Suffice it to say that eventually the two came to a compromise and I left the store with only two pairs of flip-flops, and two shirts instead of the loads of outfits Shopping-Paula had selected.

Why does shopping elicit such a response in me?  Why can’t I walk through the store and notice nice things without becoming ungrateful for everything I have and swirling into my binge shopping alter-ego?   Who knows, all I know is that I love this shirt and this outfit makes me feel fresh and accessorized.

*Disclaimer

This blog is in no way an admission of mental illness.  Shopping-Paula is harmless and should not be feared by anyone, except my debit card…..and possibly my husband.

Flow

Being an exercise and sport science major in college has led me to exposure to a variety of applications of this field.  One of the applications is sport psychology.  It was in this class that I learned Mihaly Csikzentmihalyi’s (pronounced chicks-n-mah-hall-ya) concept of flow.

Flow is completely focused motivation.  It is single-minded immersion and represents the ultimate in harnessing the emotions in the service of performing and learning.  In flow the emotions are not just contained and channeled, but positive, energized and aligned wit the task at hand.  Flow is nothing new to athletes and is often referred to as being “in the zone”, or “in the groove”.  Csikzentmihalyi emphasizes that flow can be a learned state and that athletes can spend more of their performance time in this ideal state when they learn how to harness it.

One of my most meaningful experiences with flow occurred my freshman year of highschool.  I loved to swim and so I joined the swim team.  Though I could swim well enough to survive a nice leisure swim I found competitive swimming left me in the dust and I spent most of the season performing about as well as you would expect someone who had never even heard of a dolphin kick to perform, very mediocre.  Despite this fact, I loved the sport and loved learning and growing in it.

Before long districts rolled around and the team loaded onto a nice charter bus to go down to a town that was a couple hours away.  Those who qualified for the second day of districts would stay at a hotel with the team and then compete the next day. Those who did not qualify would be sent on the ride of shame home on a school bus that very night.

I wanted desperately to be able to stay and compete the next day and the entire trip down to the meet I spent in quiet meditation.  I pictured every flip turn, every stroke….my goal; not to get last place, it would be humiliating to get last place.    Being nowhere near the star of the team I was only entered in one single event, the breaststroke.  This event is the second to last in a swim meet, so I had the ENTIRE day to sit and think and think and think about my race.

When the moment came for my swim I was more focused than I had ever been in my entire life; every fiber of my body was focused on the event on hand.  The buzzer sounded and I dove.  The familiar peace of the water surrounded me and I pushed myself as hard as I could, the peace only interrupted by my bobs above water for air.  After my second turn I took a peek to the right and then to the left….there was no one in sight and my heart sank because I knew I was in dead last place. 

More invigorated than ever I pushed even harder.  I pulled and kicked with all my might to the finish line if I was going to be last at least I could set a PR.  Upon completion my body felt rubbery and my head swimmy.  I turned around and realized that I hadn’t been able to see anyone because I was so far ahead, not behind those in my heat.  I had beat everyone in my heat by at least a pool length and set a new personal best that was a full 10-15 seconds (time has made this number difficult to remember) faster than my fastest time all season.  It was one of the most fulfilling and exciting races of my life.

Over the next few years my swimming skills increased and I was no longer struggling for last place on my swims.  But year after year the strange phenomenon continued, I performed leaps and bounds better at the district meet than I had all year.  

I credit my success at those meets to the set-up of such events.  We got the entire day off of school and a whole day to focus on just one thing, swimming.  This allowed me to perform in a way I had never thought possible.

I relive this small victory because we just attended our first hypnobirthing class and the concepts I learned in our first class sounded very similar to this “flow” experience.   I was relieved to hear that hypnosis is not the cheesy dangling a watch in front of your face saying, “you are feeling sleepy” then snapping the person into unconsciousness.  They related it more to the focus you find while engrossed in a book, or staring into a fire. 

The message is, when you prepare for birth by releasing preconceived feelings of fear and trepidation and greet the birthing process with calm relaxation and focus you can experience a more comfortable birth.  I left the class feeling ultimately empowered and believing in the power of my own mind and the ability of my body to birth a baby.  This is what these were created to do, bring a baby into the world, why should I be afraid?

I found this quote particularly inspirational:

How we give birth matters!

What our babies experience shapes who they are.

What a mother experiences at the very transition form maiden to other changes her. Gentle, natural birth unlocks something primal at our very core that makes mothering easier (and) makes families stronger…If parents would only realize that every single decision they make from conception onward influence the outcome of their birth, they could reclaim what they didn’t even know was lost.

-Kim Wildner,  Mother’s intention

I loved the physiological and medical explanations supporting natural childbirth. We learned how natural (not synthetic) oxytocin stimulate uterine contractions and promote bonding between mother and baby, how adrenaline kicks in at the end in a healthy way and how all these hormones and systems work together in harmony to deliver an infant safely into your arms. 

We then compared this to synthetic induction, pain relievers and medical interventions and how this changes everything from the temperament of the baby to the degree of bonding between baby and parents.

So I’ve been listening to birthing affirmations as well as the self-hypnosis track that is supposed to be training me to go into deep relaxation during birth. With every listen I feel more reassured and peaceful about the arrival of my baby girl.  It's funny how it has changed even my outlook beyond birth, I feel much more peace about welcoming our little one into our home as well.  

I’m thinking of birth as a tremendous challenge that if prepared for properly I can handle with grace.  So I release all the fear I previously had associated with childbirth and look forward to the day with joy and excitement.